Tuesday, June 06, 2006

The mans prayer

Many years ago, when I was married to Sue, I was rather unwilling to go shopping with her. I'm consciously trying to stop generalising so I'll resist the temptation to add 'like most men'.

It wasn't shopping with Sue per se; it was what seemed at the time a monumental waste of time. To be honest, even today, whilst I rather enjoy shopping with my wife (Sue, stop spluttering!* :-) ) it can be quite the trial of patience to wander through the Womenswear section. It has, for me, much the same fascination that I imagine my wife would feel in a CD shop watching me listen to three different performances of Bruckners Second Symphony in order to find just the right one!

In other words, the sight of rack upon rack of skirts, frocks and fru frus just doesn't excite my interest and it can be difficult to tell just exactly what it is that my wife notices in this skirt that wasn't in that one!

You understand that I'm the bloke who walks into a shoe shop when my old shoes are so far gone that they'll disintegrate if worn for one day more and buys the first pair he sees. Heinos wife made me buy a replacement pair when I was staying with them on my second visit back to Australia in September 2003! I'm in my third pair since then!

I used to piss Sue off by taking a book with me when she dragged me, kicking and screaming, on yet another shopping expedition. She'd be inside shopping to her hearts content and I'd be standing ostentatiously outside reading. The ostentation came from making sure she knew how bored I was. What a bastard I was!

Peta, my second wife, had it a little easier; we learn with time and repeated stimuli. But it did annoy her when I'd see a sign that said Menswear and I'd say 'yeah, they sure do!'. Well, she laughed the first time but by the 500th repetition it must have grated on her nerves. Just ask Heino how often I can repeat a joke!

* The mans prayer, courtesy of Red Green[^]!

I am a man,
and I can change,
if I have to,
I guess.

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