How does Google work, again???

Morgan knows I blog. I'm not sure she knows why (nor for that matter am I sure either) but she does know that she gets the occasional mention. Naturally she's consumed with curiousity to know just what I've written about her but I have to admit I'm not in any hurry for her to read it. She does know that her special category is 'The bitch from hell'. I fear she's rather proud of that!

Thus, whenever she asks (which isn't all that often), I tell her to Google! Strangely enough she hasn't managed to find it yet. I wouldn't have thought it all that difficult a search. I just Googled myself and at the time of writing the first seven matches on my name are to things I've written. Number eight is an impostor. He must be. I couldn't afford to be a member of the Rolls Royce club, let alone be a member of the board!

Even Andrew chuckles that she can't find my blog and I think we all know by now just how resourceful he is!

Analytics

Stealing an idea from Colins Blog[^] I logged onto my Google Analytics account for the first time in probably a year.

I can't help feeling, with a personal blog such as mine, that one is a bit egotistical having an analytics account at all. I can see where they fit into the scheme of things if it's a money making concern; otherwise it's sheer hubris. On the other hand, show me someone who blogs without an ego and I'll show you a liar!

Of course Colin had a different motivation to mine; he actually wants to see what people are searching for so he can write stuff other people might want to read! What a concept!

Over the last month I've averaged 18 visits a day. I reckon, to be severely honest with myself, that I have to drop that to 16 a day because two a day are me, here at home and there at the office.

I got all of 30 visits on August 2, which I reckon is click through traffic from Codeproject[^] on account of this[^] post which I also posted over on CodeProject.

August 22nd was also a bumper day, with 29 visits, but I'm buggered if I can see any reason why!

The mix of countries of origin is quite interesting. The US shouldn't surprise with a grand total of 434 visits. They also average the longest time per visit. Perhaps they're slow readers? :-) Joke, Joyce!

The UK and Australia are neck and neck second though the Aussies visit more pages per visit.

For the rest, well, there's a total of 46 countries, many with a single visit. Perhaps I ought not to be surprised that the lone Peruvian, Russian and Morrocan didn't hang around! The lone Bulgarian was a fast reader though; s/he visited 3 pages in a mere 1 minute and 37 seconds!

Well all of that's just so much bumfluff.

What fascinated me was the search page results. The single highest search term that brought people to my blog was MET CUST WOM[^]. I reckon that must be a common idiom with UPS delivery people and it must have puzzled many others. I'm pretty sure my comment on it didn't enlighten em one little bit!

And the second highest search term? Adams Ribs[^]. Guess I'm not the only M*A*S*H fan out there!

I'm still puzzling over this one 'voskoboinikov melbourne'. To be sure I did once have a cat I called Voskoboinikov[^] which explains the hit but why on earth was anyone searching for a Voskoboinikov in Melbourne (different link)[^]? That'll be one of lifes little mysteries methinks!

Die Spamming Bastards, Die!

As if it isn't bad enough copping 160 spam emails now they've spammed my Wdevs[^] blog. 160 spams in an email inbox are relatively easy to delete; not so when it's on .text.

Nope, I'm not complaining about Wdevs - they put up with my posting, which is more than I would! Nonetheless, this ain't doing my RSI any good :-( *cue soppy music on violins* :-)

Bloggers block

I haven't died. I'm just going through one of those periods where one hasn't all that much to say. Well, I could write about some of the antics Andrew's been up to lately but that way lies the possibility of my blog turning into a 'Chronicles of Andrew' and really, he's the one who should be writing that blog.

I'm told that posting about a blog hiatus is one of the better ways of ensuring a hundred blogworthy things will happen; let's see shall we?

Two years

For the last three months or so I've really been hoping Michael didn't change the WDevs[^] home page.

A year ago these words appeared there and they've been there ever since.

A year of blogging
Congratulations to Rob Manderson on reaching the one-year blogging milestone. Thanks for a year of entertaining stories and other interesting blog entries. We look forward to reading more in the future.

Well I'm now at two years and I've written an amazing amount of rubbish in the two years. According to my word counter program (not counting this post) I've written 327,577 words. Guy seems to think[^] I'm writing about the right amount per day! Phew, what would constitute overdoing it?

I don't mind admitting that there have been a few times of late when I think that I'm overdoing it; I've deliberately scaled back on writing about Morgan. Indeed, last December at dinner with Chris A[^] we talked about what should and should not be blog material and, at the time, I felt that what was going on with Morgan was off-limits. We've all suffered since then!

I'm not entirely convinced that all my posts about music are worthwhile either but you can convince me otherwise! :-)

But for the rest I still enjoy getting an idea and writing it up. And I still enjoy the feedback. The rate of posts may vary according to mood but I don't plan to stop anytime soon. Third anniversary here I come!

So much for pessimism

Back in April[^] I rather pessimistically concluded that I was more than a year away from even being interviewed for my suitability as a candidate for US Citizenship.

As you already know, that pessimism turned out to be unfounded; I had the interview at the end of August and was waiting for the oath ceremony. I was checking the mailbox daily.

Sonya felt I was being a trifle optimistic but, as I pointed out to her, it's in their interest to minimise the gap between interview and oath; the longer the gap the greater the chance of a circumstance changing that would increase their workload.

And I was right to be optimistic! The appointment letter arrived today and I am summonned to the US District Courthouse for the District of Arizona, 401 W Washington Street on September 29th for the oath.

Some USCIS district offices offer same day oath ceremonies but apparently the bulk of district offices don't. Certainly Phoenix doesn't.

As you'd expect, if the interview digs into one's past with particular reference to criminal history and offences of moral turpitude that would render one ineligible for citizenship it then follows that there's a requirement that the candidate not have become unsuitable in the gap between interview and oath! (Phew, I thought that sentence would never end!).

Thus my appointment letter has a list of questions on the back; have I committed a crime since the interview for which I have not been arrested? Have I been convicted of an offence? Have I had a speeding ticket? Yes, you read that right. Even a speeding ticket can have an effect. I imagine they're looking for a pattern in that particular instance rather than a single offence.

And the two I love. Have I become a member of the communist party? They're really really paranoid about that spent force! The other? Have I engaged in polygamy or been a prostitute? I reckon that if I relied on prostitution as my source of income I'd have starved to death years ago!

Oh, I also have to indicate if I've been outside the US - there are physical presence requirements.

I hope that my writing here about the process can help to convince just one American that it's not as easy as it sounds! There's quite an onus of proof on any candidate; that 'free' route to citizenship that gets bandied about is anything but trivial.

And if you think not then go back three or four paragraphs and reread the question list. Have I committed a crime since the interview for which I have not been arrested? That's the out; the method by which any naturalised person can lose citizenship.

But there I go being pessimistic again. Let's be optimistic instead. 19 and a bit days at the time of writing until I become a US Citizen. And, as Iain Clarke pointed out in response to my Approved![^] post, I'll lose half my blogging material. Bummer! :-)

Blogs as Art

[^]

Here's[^] the site that generated this diagram using my blog as the source data.

Idea stolen from Vern[^] who got it from someone else who got it from someone else...

Um, yeah, the different dot colours mean different things but frankly I don't much care how many [div] tags my blog contains. It's not like most of those are under my control anyway. So let's just sit back and enjoy the image without trying to impose too much meaning on it, eh.

A leg pull

So Guy[^] decides he's going to take the piss[^]. He posts this[^] to which I responded with a simple question 'Que??'.

Yeah I could have used BabelFish[^] to translate but it was more fun to play Manuel[^]!

I could cut and paste more links but it's easier if you go read the comments on his post. It'll give Guy a few more hits and believe me, his blog needs all the hits it can get! :-) I still think this post will come close to a personal record for the number of links!

Verns final comment ends with this pithy observation...

Oh, and Rob; Guy is full of excrement... But we knew that already!

I don't need no steenking BabelFish to translate mierda :-)

I aint doing that again anytime soon

unless someone holds a gun to my head! :-)

I hadn't realised quite how many internal links I had from posts to previous posts; all of them needing to be updated to point to the correct post on the mirror. Some smartarse will probably tell me that if I had used 'XYZeds super blog mover' it would have been automatic (I'm looking at you, Vern! :-) ) but I'm not sure anyone could have easily translated http://blogs.wdevs.com/ultramaroon/archive/2004/12/02/1345.aspx into http://robmanderson.blogspot.com/2004/12/air-travel-and-state-oddities.html.

A most apposite choice of example as that turns out to be the post I've most referenced in later posts; I must have a fetish about Dallas! How appropriate then that I'm going to Dallas again this week for a one dayer; flying out Thursday and returning Friday. I get to experience for the first time the brave new world of liquidless travel!

The only edits I made to posts on the mirror were to change early links to use the CodeProject style[^] that I started using a year or more ago. You reckon I've memorised the html syntax for that? Heck no, I created a dummy post over on CP, inserted a link, copied it to a text file that lives on my desktop.

I resisted the temptation to post edit; as I think I've said before, once I post it I don't go back and change the meaning though I may occasionally correct the more glaring grammatical or spelling errors. Once posted it stands even if I change my mind about something afterward.

One post didn't make it to the mirror; this one[^]. Two reasons; the first is that it makes no sense outside the context of Wdevs[^] (and not much more sense within that context :-) ). The second reason is that I couldn't make the table look right. I'm no html expert.

I'm still deciding whether to hand post all responses; it'll be another week of work and, unlike primary postings, blogger doesn't seem to allow adjusting of the time and date of comments. It'd look very strange for a post from 2004 to have a comment dated 2006 and then a reply from me made, via primary postings, dated in 2004.

I may have mirrored but, as long as Wdevs is alive and kicking and as long as I'm welcome to post there I'll always think of Wdevs as my primary blogging home!

Done!!!

Yep, I've brought the mirror[^] up to date. You know me well enough to know that I won't leave it at just that but at 3 AM I'll content myself with the crow dance of joy and do the obligatory commentary tomorrow! :-)

Mirrors

I've been putting off doing this for some time now because I reckon it's churlish of me to complain about outages on a service someone else is paying for that I'm using for free.

However, late last month I started the process of mirroring my blog at Blogspot/[^]. I'm a little under half done posting everything I've written and I reckon I won't be finished for another week or more so expect a largish chunk of missing material that will eventually appear.

I don't plan to stop posting at WDevs[^] unless Michael asks me to :-) but I will be posting the same random rubbish on both sites.

LaMont lives

as we discovered last night at yet another get together of the 'boys'.

Our little Phoenix area bloggers group is growing. We're now up to four of us. I had, of course, already met LaMont[^] but for quite some time there he wasn't coming out to play. My theory was that he didn't like Vern; strangely enough Vern's theory was that he didn't like me! What does Vern know?

Perhaps, having read my initial report linked above wherein I drew certain inferences relating to the happenstance of the pair of them ambling off to the dunny simultaneously, he had reason for not wanting last nights meetup to take place at the gay bar[^] we ended up in last week! I couldn't possibly speculate!

So we gathered at Gallaghers over on 7th Street. Neither Vern nor I had been there before and because Vern isn't above asking me for a ride too and fro, casting me, the drinker, in the role of designated driver, we arrived together. Looked to both of us exactly like it could have been a suburban dentists office!

Doubtless worrying about the aforementioned impugning of his sexuality LaMont did evince considerable interest at the moment the barmaid, wearing no bra and a flimsy low cut top, bent toward him. Evince considerable interest? I thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head! In all fairness, all four of us took an enthusiastic gander. I fear that my fellow bloggers are sadly out of touch though; the speculation was that she was 18; I reckon 25 if she's a day! Not that there's anything wrong with being 25; if I try hard enough I can remember back that far! :-)

I learned a new phrase. You'll remember that I learned to say 'Screw you buddy!' in place of the rather coarser expression I'd have used four years ago in Australia. I now know the extended version. 'Screw you and the horse you rode in on, buddy!'. I'm told that the buddy part is optional. I tried it out at the office today; worked a treat, if causing insane laughter is the gauge of success!

But I reckon I'm going to have to bankroll the next get together. For various reasons it's happened that I've paid very little cash at the last few and I fear the rumours will start about Rob being a cheeseparing bastard. Knowing full well the Australian traditions around the 'shouting of drinks' I can't possibly let this state of affairs continue.

Interesting note; I went looking for a link to illustrate the Australian traditions and found this[^]. Don't ya love the internet??

Am I cheating?

with this post which, at the time of writing, will show 15 of the 25 posts on the Wdevs front page as being written by me? Of course I am!

Not the first time[^] though! :-)

As prolific as I am

I just can't seem to get more than 12 posts appearing on the Wdevs[^] front page.

I'm pretty sure this is a good thing.

Another night out with the boys

Now that I'm not travelling nearly as much as I used to I'm finding it easy to catch up with Vern[^] and Guy[^].

We got together again tonight for some beer and yack. This time it was I who sent out the emails to get the ball rolling and, since Vern's a country music loving redneck liberal and Guy is Guy I suggested a venue. It just happened to be the same venue where I met Vern and LaMont more than a year ago.

What I didn't know is that it had changed hands in the intervening year and a bit.

Arrived at the bar I was pleased to see Vern's van parked outside (yeah yeah Vern, I know, you call it a truck but for me it's a van). Parked around the back and took the back entrance.

Beer poured and enjoyed, as much as one *can* enjoy Budweiser, we started in on the yacking. Introduced to the guy on my other side; nice guy going by the nickname of AJ.

The conversation turned on the usual staples of male bonding; Nascar (whatever that is), gadgets, sports and significant others. Gradually I became aware that AJ was gay. Perhaps the fact that the TV's were tuned to programs discussing the gay/lesbian lifestyle rather than ESPN should have tipped me off but I only remembered that detail as I write this. Sometimes I can be so unobservant!

A little later, after AJ had left, we adjourned to the outside tables and Guy arrived. By this time I was wondering if this was a gay bar and Vern asked me if I had noticed the rainbow flag outside. No, I had not. Indeed, I still haven't seen it. And, to be honest, had I noticed it I'd probably have been puzzled; why a rainbow flag? Certainly the fact that it was a gay bar bothered me not one whit.

We were joined, a little later, by Harold, a Microsoft blogger who specialises in Exchange. Vern was heard more than once to admit that he's a Microsoft Whore. I wonder when that product will be released :-)

He and Vern geeked away in a manner to warm the cockles of the heart. It was a hundred after sunset so the cockles really didn't need warming. There are few sadder sights than two techno geeks comparing PDA's!

Thus to a discussion of the merits of Starbucks as an alternate venue. I'm cool with that though I think we should keep tonights bar on the backburner; I did enjoy the disco mixes they played at something less than earsplitting volume!

In an evil moment

the idea of this post came to me. But this is the first time I've had the opportunity to use the idea. You understand that I'd much rather not have the opportunity but one copes as one must.

The idea? Thought you'd never ask!

I can't think of a damn thing to write about :-)

A night out with the boys

Last night Vern and I had planned to get together, drink a beer or two and rag each other mercilessly. We try and do that every couple of months though I fear my travel schedule (always random) has interfered. Fortunately my travel has been considerably reduced this year (I've only done 5 business trips so far this year) and it was looking good for tonight.

Of course things couldn't be that simple could they? Our customer over in the Philippines scheduled a teleconference (without consulting me) for this evening. I sent an email advising that I couldn't make their time due to prior committments. My friends also count in my life.

We were joined by a new guy, Guy[^] whose been commenting a bit on my posts of late. Somehow I thought he was in South Africa and was quite surprised to discover he now lives a couple of miles up the road from me.

With that knowledge it was easy to post an invite to join us.

I think tonight was the first time I ever saw someone outtalk Vern. That takes quite some doing let me tell you. It's not a feat I've ever managed, though I've tried!

The conversation ranged widely; Vern was surprised to discover that compulsory military service exists in many more than the three or four countries he'd imagined it did. From there to a discussion of the early history of Ghandi (both Guy and Vern flatly refused to believe that Ghandi was politically active in South Africa in 1902, both arguing that it had to have been during World War 2). But then again, neither of them had known that Ghandi was born in 1869.

That discussion led to the mention of an opera, Satyagraha[^] by Philip Glass which in turn led to Vern saying something like 'Oh no, not Philip Glass again!'. Hmm, that makes four of my friends who contemptuously dismiss Philip Glass. Maybe they're trying to tell me something but if so I'm being stubborn in refusing to hear!

Thence to some of the more obscure requirements of naturalisation as a US citizen with a digression into the bartending habits of Australians in London.

Quite the evening. I record that it was a pleasure to meet Guy and spend a few hours with him. I hope we'll do it again.

What blokey bonding post would be complete without the observation that the barmaid had the largest breasts I've *ever* seen!?

Sarsparilla

My friend Laura at Sorrow at Sills Bend[^] has started, in conjunction with a few others, an Australian Literary Blog[^].

I'm probably pushing the definition of friend here but she did give me a virtual Christmas present last time around. I'll probably never meet her or even correspond with her but I enjoy reading her writings.

She asked for a plugarama for the new site and I'm delighted to give it one. I quite enjoyed the faux obituary for one 'Roger Saint-Douche', the noted French Philospher and manual self-stimulator!

She promises that From my point of view one of the many excellent things about having a blog like Sarsaparilla about is that I will no longer feel constrained to write half-sensible posts about books and movies here at Sills Bend and can turn it over entirely to fluffy dancing baby animals, food, Ken Russell, perfectly good stuff dug out of bins, the price of things, etc. Hooray!

Those are the kinds of blogs I enjoy the most and anyone who shares my enthusiasm for Ken Russell movies (even if she's too young to have seen them in first run) deserves the pathetic plugarama I can give!

Laura? Was that enthusiastic enough? Not too over the top? :-)

There's something wrong with the map

the one that shows visits to my blog, up there on the left.

Given that blogging is the ultimate expression of narcissism it shouldn't come as any surprise that I check the numbers. If it ever drops to 2 visits a day it'll be time to stop; I'll know that the only reader is google.

So one clicks around the map, only to notice a strange omission on the North America map. I think I have a reasonable grasp of the geography of North America, particularly of the United States. Show me a map and I can point to Orlando, Los Angeles, Chicago, Coeur d'Alene, Manderson, Montana and so on. Yes, there is a town in Montana called Manderson. I've been there! :-) Can do it almost as accurately as I can point to Cairns, Anglesea, Adelaide or Proserpine! Geeze, I can even recite the names of the states along the southern border in order though I don't do so well on the northern border. It helps the memory to have visited the places.

But there's something missing on the North American map. The Great Lakes! Don't take my word for it, go look[^]. Given that I find my way around a map of the Northeast via the lakes it's a sad loss. I can't even see the mitten, which would tell me I was looking at Michigan, from which reference point I could go west and pick Chicago.

I suppose I shouldn't complain, their map of Australia doesn't even pretend to show the state borders!

For the record, I paid for a 2 years subscription. If I'm still blogging when it expires, assuming I can come up with enough material, I'll renew; if not, not!

I don't often do this

and I certainly don't plan to make it a regular thing but I've been reading Lucy's blog for the last few months. She lives in Melbourne which is reason enough :-)

She's been doing a semi-regular 'Friday Statuary' series and this week it's one of my favourite statues in Melbourne. She does it better than I could so without further ado, Queen Victoria[^].