Flying to Amsterdam

I wanted to use the title 'Well I'll be Amsterdamned' but that seemed a trifle tacky. I got the title in anyway .

I flew from Phoenix to Minneapolis, thence to Amsterdam and Nice. Those cities should identify the umbrella airline - KLM. However, the only KLM airplane I flew on was a KLM city hopper from Amsterdam to Nice - the other flights were on Northwest Airlines. That was the first time I've ever seen a flight attendant push a trolley down the aisle and invite me to pay 7 bucks for an inflight meal (Phoenix to Minneapolis). I declined the offer.

We missed the first approach to Minneapolis and had to go around and try again. As we were taxiing to the terminal I could see outside the window this strange white stuff being blown along in the wind. So we arrive at Minneapolis. The temperature outside was about -25 C and I've never been in temperatures that low before. Even in the air bridge from the plane to the terminal it was colder than my bosses heart at pay rise time and it was a real relief to get into the terminal itself. I decided to forgo my usual smoke (even though the flight had been about 3 hours). As it turned out, that was a wise decision. Because we'd missed the first attempt at landing we were running late and I had just enough time to get to the next flight without facing the gamut of US airport security.

About 9 hours later we reach Amsterdam. By now I've been 14 hours without a smoke. We arrived at Terminal G and a quick check of the flight boards tells me I need to be in Terminal B. So I followed the signs to the terminal and hit passport control. Now you have to understand that I'm used to US style passport checks. All I saw at this point was that if I wanted to get from Terminal G to Terminal B I needed to pass through this passport check. The full significance didn't dawn on me until a day later. So I stood in the line and eventually reached the desk. Hand over my passport and my boarding pass. I swear I was watching what was done with my passport the entire time and what was done was nothing. Nada! Zip! The guy compared the photo with the ugly bastard standing in front of him, decided it was a good match and stamped me into the EU! I'm completely certain that he didn't note my name, passport number or nationality anywhere! One minute later I was undergoing an almost erotic pat down and I was through.

Now you'd think I'd have realised that I was now on the free side but I didn't. So I went without that smoke.

Before I left home on this trip I made sure I had a pen in my carry on luggage - airlines are not so helpful these days as they used to be for travellers who need to fill in an immigration/customs form on the flight. So I was prepared for French customs and immigration. We landed at Nice and no sign of a form. I followed my fellow travellers with my passport at the ready. And there, in front of me, was a green door for 'nothing to declare'. I passed through the door and I was outside! And that was it! Time for a smoke and hail a cab to my hotel.

How do I describe that first smoke to a non smoker? I can't. It's a high and if the flight is long enough it makes your head spin. This flight was just long enough.

Now at what point do I conclude that entering the EU is easier? I didn't realise that passport control, at that point, constituted entry to EU. My failure of realisation was based on previous experience. When one enters the US they take great care that you cannot leave one flight and join another without passing through US immigration control. (To be fair, Australian airports do the same thing). Or should I compare the attitude of a US immigration inspector to the guy at the EU counter? There's no argument that the EU immigration inspector made me feel a whole lot more welcome than any US inspector ever did. Maybe it was my passport? Maybe the EU doesn't consider Australian nationals to constitute a threat?

On my return flight I knew the ropes. We arrived at Terminal D and I had 2 hours to the next flight, so I took the opportunity to go through the green customs door and venture outside for a smoke. It was 5 C outside which is about as cold as I've ever experienced and just cold enough that I wanted only the one ciggy. (Incidentally, I know it's very flimsy but I'm counting the Netherlands as a country I've visited. I didn't get out of the airport but I was on the free side - I could have, had I wanted to, hailed a cab to downtown Amsterdam and the only question asked would have been - can I pay for it?).

After my smoke I went back through passport control to the international side of the terminal and eventually passed through security for my specific flight. I'm assuming that US authorities mandate what happened next. (Some of what happens really is mandated by the US. All airlines flying to the US have to pay a fine if any passenger they carry cannot, prima facie, pass immigration. There was a case a couple of years ago where Qantas was fined over US$100,000 for transporting 13 chinese nationals from Sydney to Los Angeles without US acceptable travel documents. This I accept as fair and reasonable). But taking the parenthetical comment into consideration, I think that what the Northwest Airlines employees wanted was unreasonable. I was travelling on an Australian passport, with a just expired greencard and a letter from BCIS extending my greencard and travel authorisation until mid November 2005. They wanted to know the ins and outs of a ducks bum (an Australian expression meaning they wanted to know much more than was required). Who did I work for? What exactly was my job? What did I do there? Did I have a business card? (And if I didn't have one what then?). What was the exact purpose of my travel? Where did I stay? Did I visit any other countries? How much had I spent? My god, I half expected them to ask if I'd masturbated whilst in Europe!

And all the time when being questioned thus one doesn't dare explode and say 'what business is any of this of yours'. One dare not say 'there are my documents; honour them'.

So eventually I'm allowed to pass through security and board the plane. 10 or so hours later I'm in Minneapolis and I have to face, for the first time since my greencard expired, US immigration. It started well. I handed over my passport and my expired greencard aforesaid. I also handed over my customs declaration and my letter from BCIS extending my residency and travel authorisation until November 2005 aforesaid. And she looked at my passport and saw a sea of red ink.

Let me explain. US Immigration law requires that every immigrant to the US has a passport valid for at least 6 months after the date of their entry to the US as a permanent resident. US Immigration law also requires that the immigrant be always able to prove that their permanent residence is inside the US. Again, this is fair and reasonable and I have no problem with that requirement. My pre immigration passport was due to expire about 15 months after I arrived so I got a new one. The first entry in my passport is the temporary I551 stamp which is the equivalent of a greencard. Thus, every stamp in my passport either dates from my entry to the US as an immigrant or is later. So she saw stamps representing 6 trips outside the US since my arrival as an immigrant on my new passport. Somehow she added this up in her mind to be 10 months worth of travel outside the US. In reality it is 13 weeks. It took a lot of calendar work to convince her that I was well within the guidelines. Eventually, and grudgingly, she approved my re-entry to the US and let me go home.