Monday, May 08, 2006

Changing goals

As you well know I'm a step-dad to three kids. Well, two really, the third at 21 and about to be married is hardly a kid! And, as I've said more than once, I get on very well with her indeed, most likely because we've never actually lived under the same roof.

If you go into this step-dad thing as I did, with little or no experience, it can be a daunting experience. I don't have any kids of my own. I'll resist the jokes about 'that I know of'. Given the complete lack of pregnancy scares in my life I have to assume that I'm not terribly fecund.

Thus, thrust by choice into a new family, I found myself at a loss; how to communicate with those irrational beings called teenagers? You understand that the most recent experience I had with 15 year old girls was when I was myself 15 and my goal at that time was diametrically opposed to my goal as the step-dad.

Morgan has been the cause of considerable domestic friction of late. Not because she's pregnant; once that horse had bolted and she had decided that this time she would go full term we had little choice but to go along with it. Not only can we not insist on either an abortion or adoption; I don't think we should be able to. Some things must be left to the individual to decide.

But am I wrong in wanting to see some consistency in that decision? Or am I expecting someone to grow up too fast? Morgan, at 8 months pregnant, still imagines that she can shrug off her responsibilities and expect her mother to pick up the pieces behind her. Just this week I've heard her shrieking four letter words and insisting on her 'right to rebel'. I'd have thought she'd pretty much given up that right about the time she decided to go full term.

Nope, the domestic friction arises from the fact that I don't want to find my wife taking on the role of mother to her grandson. If it's Morgans child let Morgan take on all the hard lifting!

This is Morgans third pregnancy; during her second Mum came up with the idea that she and I would adopt the child as our own. I was willing to agree to that provided we also agreed that this would be 'our' child and Morgan would have no contact whatsoever. You think that was unreasonable? Why should I invest 10 or 15 years of my life only to have her come in when it was convenient to her and steal 'my' child away?

Ye gods, I'm starting to sound like a republican. Put down the torch Harold! I promise I'll check the spelling of McDowell Road on the way to the office tomorrow!

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