Pushing my luck

As we were driving to Steele Indian School Park last night the conversation passed on to the subject of minor bingles (car accidents), triggered by the sight of a car parked way over on the right of the 51 with one side of the bumper hanging to the ground.

Sonya wondered how it had got that way. I opined that someone had sideswiped him on the corner of the car and that reminded her of how, when she was 16 and newly licensed, she'd sideswiped a brick wall but had lied about it to her mother, saying that another driver had sideswiped her and driven off. (Phew, I thought that sentence was never going to end!).

I thought a moment and asked...

'Did it damage the running board?'

The look I got in reply wasn't as kind as it could have been. :-)

Risky business

When I created my new 'Things best not said to ones wife' category I fear I was exhibiting a lack of imagination. But I'll let the name stand for now.

As you know, we've got a family wedding coming up. Indeed, you're going to have to go without posts from me for at least two days as I head north to Flagstaff next Friday. I'm sure you'll bear up well under the strain :-)

My wife has been preparing for the great event; it's not every day (one hopes) that a daughter marries.

Preparation has included a fake tan. We live in Phoenix with 330 days per year, on average, of bright sunlight. I have 'farmers arms' without even trying! (How fascinating that a google search for a link defining what I mean by farmers arms returns as the first choice a pub in Daylesford, Victoria, Australia). Nope, what I mean is that my arms are tanned where exposed by the shirts I usually wear and extremely white where normally covered.

In the 1990's when I worked for Unisys Australia on the Australia Post project we had a weekly status meeting[^] with the customer. On one occasion they were complaining that we weren't solving a problem as fast as they'd have liked. Dave pontificated 'when we have an issue we expect you to roll up your sleeves and get down to work!'. So I stood up, took off my jacket and rolled up my sleeve. They fell about laughing with the observation that it was difficult to tell where the shirt stopped and the arm started. It wouldn't work that way today after 3 and a half years in Phoenix!

I'm assuming that my wife intends to show only those parts of her body that would normally assume a tan given legal dress in public so I'm at a loss to understand why she feels the need to improve on nature.

But where I almost fell foul of her today was when she came home with a new hairstyle. I'll give her her due and say right now that she took it very well indeed. It was quite difficult to keep a straight face when she appeared with a hairdo that would have put Carnaby Street to shame and I fear I failed. We have a tradition of me showing my tongue stuck between my teeth, indicating I'm biting my tongue. Damn near had to bite it through for real! :-)

Be careful, my dear

I've added a new category for some of my posts though I don't imagine I'll be overpopulating it; not if I know what's good for me! :-) Think of it as my informal list of things best not said to ones spouse :-)

I mentioned last night that we had dinner on our way home from the airport. I was full of excitement at the prospect of getting my hot little hands on my MP3 player but I've learned a thing or two over the years; foremost of which is that my obsession isn't my wifes and spouses have a tendency not to show infinite patience. It helps that I like dining out with my wife! :-)

I know you'll read that better than the bare words would indicate!

Why I call it an MP3 player when all my music is encoded as WMA is another question.

While we were waiting for our order to arrive my wife picked up a bunch of drink coasters and started laying em out on the table rather in the fashion of someone playing solitaire. Having laid em out she started playing a game of solitaire lacking both rhyme and reason. I watched her do this for a few seconds and then said;

'What the heck are you doing???'

She laughed.

'I was wondering how long it'd take you to notice.'

Hmmm, how long am I supposed to wait before questioning apparently abberant behaviour?

A few seconds later she was running her hands through her hair in a manner that looked rather like she was trying to lift a toupee off her head. So I said 'Be careful my dear, the wig may come off!'.

I'd be exagerrating if I said that I'm only able to write this because looks can't kill but that has to rank up there with the more dangerous things to say!

Word to the wise

If your wife has a sore thumb and says, in passing, 'oh, it burns, it burns' it's probably wisest, on the whole, not to reply thusly;

'I warned you about messing with that holy water!' :-)